Posts tagged ‘relationships’

Unemphatic when it comes to relationships.

Hey Kennie’s Mind readers, I am back and I have A LOT to write about but first:

I think my mother screwed up my view on men and relationships. No, that is not a cliché euphemism for something else. I literally think my mom has screwed up my views on men and relationships.

This thought came to me when breaking up with my ex boyfriend, of whom I was having an on again off again relationship with since I was 14 years old. I was explaining to him the reasons why 9 years of trying to be together wasn’t working when it clicked that I should be completely hurt and crying ( as he was). Our relationship spanned over 9 years, I should have felt something towards him and our relationship but didn’t. At all. Nadda. Nothing.

This troubled me, I know I didn’t feel anything towards him any more but I was bordered ( and probably went over the line) of being cold and uncaring. Later that night I started to think about other times that I was meant to be understanding about someone whose relationship was in trouble but I failed to care or even empathize. It took me back to when my cousin had spilt up with her boyfriend of a year and a bit and she was crying to my mom on the phone about it. I remember coming into the room and my mom told what had happened, to which I coldly replied, “ Why is she even crying, it’s not like crying is going to get him back now is it.” and walked out.

Another example of my coldness towards relationships was when my brother and his girlfriend had a fight about some issue and his girlfriend came into my room crying, after listening to what she had to say I once again showed no empathy towards her and said, “ Stop crying, the only men you’re meant to ever cry over is your father, your male cousins, your nephews and your brother and that should only happen when they are dead.” and upset she left my room.

My third example was when my housemate was rejected by a girl he was interested in which sent him into a bit of a spiral. He talked to me about it and I listened but yet again my answer to him was, “ You got rejected, suck it up and move on.”

Sitting in the living watching Two and Half Men, I thought about my own rejections. I could remember feeling sad up to about the age of 11, when ever I was rejected by a boy, but after that when ever I was rejected I shrugged it off and moved on to another crush almost instantly. I have never cried for a guy not even my own father (but that’s another issue).

I have come to realization that my coldness towards relationships and my understanding of being hurt by a man is a waste of time is because I never grew up with the practice of being in a relationship that was so solid that if it broke then I would miss it or care that it was gone. This, I recognize as the work of my mother, who in her bid to protect me from the evils of men has kept me from feeling what is normal to feel when a relationship has broken up or what is meant to be in love, or to care for someone. I feel none of these towards  any man that I meet or have a relationship with. As my friend so kindly pointed out the other day, I seem to be almost obligated to be with someone when ever I am in a relationship. I do not talk about him or what I have done with him. It is almost as if I expect every relationship to come to an end. I am quick to lose interest in the person I’m with (hence the obligation to be with him) and want the relationship to be over with before it has even started.

I guess my mother’s work of keeping me from men has worked because I feel no need to rush into a relationship and even if I’m in a relationship I will get bored with it very easily and will feel no pain when it comes to breaking in off. Thanks Mom!

P.S. I love my mom and even though she can be over protective sometimes, she has good reason to do so. By being the way she is relationships are the last thing on my mind, I love the way I have turned out and in these 10 years that I have gotten to know her better I thank her for all that she has and will do for me.

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Has the ‘NO SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE’ rule gone out the window because of the power sex has in modern society? And has it affected those who still believe in the rule causing them to marry for the wrong reasons? AKA I DO……WANT TO HAVE SEX.

“No sex ‘til marriage” is the most common phrase I have heard over my 21 years on this earth. It is preached by every religion and almost all parents, some religions take it more seriously than others

We are all famailiar with the rules, but in the 21st century it is clear that it has flown through the window and got hit by a bus. It seems as if it never existed in the first place. Teen Pregnancy, children born out wed-lock, and children by multiple partners. These, amongst other things, have become a normal way of life, it seems that sex has over powered society making the NSTM rule null and void. Sex has become very causal and doesn’t always have to involve love, while marriage has become more and more unpopular. In 2008 the number of registered marriages in England and Wales was 232,990 this, according to National Statistics Online, is the lowest numbers of marriages since 1895. They also stated that the number of unmarried adults rose in 2008. Is this because there is no longer a need for marriage.

Fair enough in the 1800s marriage was mostly for profit, but nowadays the profit part of marriage is gone in most cultures. In some cultures the arrange marriage is still alive and active, and they are the cultures who have the lowest divorce rate.

In our culture has sex completely replaced the act of marriage? Or is the idea of post martial sex only for one gender only. I was born of the Christian faith and because I was born female the no sex before marriage rule had been pushed onto me from birth. I’m sure many other girls as well have had the “talk” with their parents. In Jamaica, ( the country of my family origin) pre-martial sex in largely forbidden in many family because of our strict Christian back ground. Many would argue that the pre martial rule is only aimed at girls. This can be seen in the Islamic culture, a woman can not have sex until she is married. The fact that sexuality and sex is so freely open in most western cultures might mean that marriage is not needed but is only around for those who are still interested in it.

The other issue is the fact that some people who still believe in  no premartial sex, will be forced into marriage because of the pressure that sex has over many of us. A few days ago I was watching a programme on channel 4 called The One Year Itch, which looked at married couples one year into their marriages. One of the couples were an 18 and 19 year old, who were very religious  but most of their story was main about sex and how they wanted to do it.

It is clear that sex is always going to be part of our lives and the more we give into it, the more that it will take us over and we will no long have a need for marriage. It’s sad, but true.

It’s Harder for a Boy to get Girlfriend? No Way!

Is getting a relationship harder for men?

I’m sitting at my computer thinking about how hard it is to get a boyfriend at 20 years of age. Reason why I’m thinking about this?

My housemate.

You see, I am a perfectly healthy and happy relationship.

My housemate…

let’s call him X, is not.

Don’t get me wrong, he has had ONE other relationship before, but it ended on a bad note and since then he hasn’t really tried to get a girlfriend. So I was thinking, with all the pressures and enquiries about how hard is it to get a boyfriend when you’re a girl, isn’t that even harder for guys?

Think about it.

With us girls it’s just about how we dress, how we look, and so on.

Unfortunately for guys, it’s all of that and then more.

They have to worry about what happens in the um…bed room. Now be honest with yourselves girls, if you were in a relationship with a guy, who WAS a virgin, wouldn’t you feel a bit a lost? Or would you think “oh awesome I can teach him everything I know!”

Our society (thanks for male domination) tells us that MEN are the head of the relationship and therefore takes place at the head of …sexual intercourse. Isn’t that right?

Men are actually expected to know what in the world to do when it comes to that “special” event and if they have no clue about what they’re doing and we, girls pick up on that, it kind of steers us away from them.

I’m not going to lie to you; I would rather have a guy who’s quite experienced. (Not experienced to the point where he’s a complete dick head about it, but experienced enough to know, how to treat a girl.), but then there isn’t anything wrong with being with someone who is less experienced. It means that the relationship would probably mean a lot more to guy than you think.

And I know a lot of you are going to disagree with me, but that’s my thoughts on the matter.

So here is my question to you, is finding a girlfriend or boyfriend harder for men than women and why? Take in account the points that I mentioned before or any thoughts you have about it.

Kennie M

Watch this space….

P.S. Note I am not in a relationship anymore, I am not looking for a relationship. This was written on April 9th 2010. I just never got ’round to putting up on anything.